Chapter 2

Some Apes, a Duck, and a Hottie

(The men have traveled a long way when they reach a watering hole. They rejoice and pull off their clothes for a men’s skinny dipping. Even though they don’t know if there is dangerous fish in there or if it’s poisonous…)

Taylor: I just want to say that this watering hole is like a miracle. There have been 99 miracles on this space journey ever since we landed here.
1. We are not dead.
2. We have plenty of food supplies.
3. Landon just fell in a hole.
4. I am still sane.
5. This is breathable air.
6. I really am….

(Taylor looked around and saw all of his men run away from him and into the watering hole.)
Taylor: New number.
100. They are lucky I don’t kill them!

(Taylor joins his crew and all of the men spend endless hours talking, swimming, and getting showers.)

Landon: Look Taylor! A baby duck! How cute!

Dodge: Let’s kill it and eat it.

Taylor: Wow, you are hungry Dodge.

Dodge: Hungry for duck! I am so tired of eating Cheez-Itz! You know?

Taylor: I’ve been enjoying it.

Landon: I’m naming her Starla!

Dodge: Is that even a name?

Landon: It’s my Mom’s name…

(Silence)

Taylor: How do you know SHE is a SHE?

Landon: I just know!

Dodge: I’m not so sure…

Landon: Fine. His name is Walt Disney.

Dodge (talking to Taylor): I still say we should kill it.

Taylor: I will go sneak up on it.

Dodge: I have a knife up on shore.

Taylor: I mean Landon!

Dodge: Oops.

Taylor: Once I tackle him, you grab the duck.

Dodge: Walt stew tonight!

Taylor (through clenched teeth): Do you want Landon to hear us?

Dodge: Ok, you go get Landon. I’ll take care of our duck pal.

(Taylor slowly goes toward Landon, but he had to dunk underwater a few times so Landon didn’t notice him. Finally Taylor gets to Landon and tackles him under the water. When he stopped, Dodge and the duck were gone.)

Taylor (talking to himself): Where did that brainless idiot go?

Landon: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!!!!!!?????!!!!!

Taylor: Oh yeah…

(Taylor had been so hungry he forgot an explanation to give to Landon after the surprise attack)

Taylor: I thought you were… a monster… yeah! A monster! So I tackled you! A big, scary, ugly, mindless, hairy, evil, hideous, horrible…

Landon: I get it!!! Gosh!

Taylor (still going on): Bloodcurdling, mind-numbing, creepy, slimy, heartless, deadly, killing, repulsive…

Landon: I get it!

Taylor: Wicked, crazy, unattractive, shaggy…

Landon: SHUT UP YOU MORON! I GET IT! YOU THOUGHT I WAS A MONSTER! I DON’T NEED EVERY DEATAIL! I GET IT! I GET IT FOOL! YOU THINK I’M SO DUMB ’CAUSE I PLAY WITH A BARBIE AND GET EMOTIONAL! BUT I’M NOT! YOU’RE THE IDIOT! YOU THE FOOL! YOU’RE THE MORON! YOU’RE THE DIM-WITT! YOU’RE THE STUPID HEAD! YOU THINK YOUR SO HOT AND SO HUNKY! JUST ’CAUSE YOU ARE DOES’NT MEAN TO RUB IT IN EVERYONE’S FACE! GOSH!

(A very long silence)

Taylor: Umm…

Landon (out of breath and face beat red): Where is Walt Disney?

Taylor: Well…

(Just then Dodge came back with feathers all over his mouth)

Dodge: That was one good duck!

Landon: WHAT!

(Taylor, Dodge, and Landon all get out of the lake and stare at one another)

Taylor: You ate it, didn’t you?

Landon: You ate Starla!

Taylor (pretending to cough): Walt!

Landon: You ate Walt Disney! He was so young!

Dodge: Actually, he was a she.

Landon: As I said, you ate Starla!

Taylor: Hey boys?

Dodge: Yeah?

Taylor: Where are our clothes?

(As Taylor said, their clothes were gone, along with their emergency backpacks)

Landon: I have no idea sir.

Taylor (talking to Dodge): Umm… did he just…?

Dodge: Look, now we are lost on an unknown planet, all of us are naked…

Landon: Not all!

(Landon holds up Glen)

Dodge: Ok, not all of us, but my IPhone was in my emergency backpack!

(The men wander around until they find some scraps to put on as poorly made clothes. After a very long time they wander into a corn patch)

Taylor: Would you look at that?

There were tons of aliens that looked like humans. Some were tall, some short, some skinny, some wide, and Taylor saw one with an oddly shaped nose.

Dodge: At least they haven’t tried to bite us!

(Taylor looks down at his arm and sees a very large bite mark that is gushing blood)

Landon: Look at the bright side!

Taylor: Yeah! If this is the best they’ve got around here, in six months we’ll be running this planet.

Landon: Actually I was going to say that at least we still have Glen… but ruling an entire planet works too.

Dodge: Crud. Look at that cutie. She is some hot stuff. I wonder if she has a boyfriend.

(Dodge was looking straight at a tall skinny female with greasy black hair. Her clothes were tattered and she smelled of 7 Eleven’s gas station bathroom. She was munching on some strange fruit. It looked like a pear and a grapefruit had a baby and she was eating it.)

Taylor: Yeah, she is hot stuff Dodge.

Dodge: I’m going to ask what her name is.

Landon: What if she is hostile?

Taylor: Then call me Mr. Hostile. She is one wicked cutie alien gal.

Dodge: I bet her name means something like princess.

Taylor: I bet her name IS Princess.

(All of the sudden you hear scary horns and all of the aliens start running. Even the cutie flees.)

Taylor: What the heck?

Dodge: What is that?

Landon: Look!

(They all looked where Landon was pointing and there were apes! Gorillas on horses! They had strong faces and matching black clothes. Every one of them had some type of gun. The crew of three, well, counting Glen, the crew of four ran. Taylor ran one way, Dodge the other. Landon and Glen were far off.)

Taylor: Help me mommy! Oops, I mean, AAAHHH!!! Talking, scary, horseback riding monkeys!

(Gun shots and cries were heard from all over the scene. Almost twice Taylor had been caught. But his brains, running skills, and, well, not brains, but fast running, got him to safety. Taylor was very freaked out and three times he stopped just to hug the hot alien woman. But to his horror Taylor tripped over something. It was Dodge!
Taylor quickly ran away and fell into a hole then notices the hot alien next to him.)

Taylor: Hey sugar. I’m Taylor. What’s your name?

(She didn’t answer, and only looked at him with batty brown eyes. Taylor guessed she was too scared to talk. Then an ape ran into the hole and all of these alien humans fell into his net. Even the hot alien. Taylor ran like mad and began to descend down a cliff filled with muggy water below. As he did he is shot in the neck.)

"Just my luck!" "Hahaha dork!" "OUCH! Good aim!"

(Taylor flops around on his stomach below until he reaches land. His neck is pouring out blood and some ape idiot is poking him with a stick.)


Gorilla 1: Is he dead?

Gorilla 2: Don’t know. Poke him again. It seems to get him annoyed.

Gorilla 1: Ok.

(The Gorilla poked him again and Taylor turns around and snaps the stick in half.)

Gorilla 2: He is alive!

(Gorilla 2 kicks Taylor’s head and Taylor is out cold. Then he is carried into a wagon full of the odd humans. They stare at him with giant eyes and Taylor starts to awake. He must have been laying there for awhile. There is blood all over the straw, his hand, neck, and clothes.)


(Taylor notices some things wrong. First off, there is a creepy doll in the wagon. And it is not Glen. And two, the hottie is there watching him bleed to death. What’s up with that?

The wagon neared a very large city. Taylor took one look before slipping into an unconscious sleep.)

To be continued…